Dear
Sir,
Last year I upgraded Girlfriend
1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child
processing that
took up a lot of space and valuable
resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product
brochure. In
addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself
into all other programs and launches during system initialization where
it monitors
all other system activity.
Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing
the system
whenever selected. I cannot
seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going
back to Girlfriend 1.0 but
uninstall does not work on this
program. Can you help me?
Jonathan Powell
Dear Jon
This is a very common problem men
complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many
people upgrade
from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0
with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT"
program. In fact, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by
its creator to run everything. It is impossible to uninstall, delete
or purge the program from the system once installed. You can not
go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 in not designed
to do this. Some have tried
to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than
original system.
Look in your manual under WARNINGS:
Alimony/Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal
with the
situation. Having Wife 1.0
installed myself, I might also read the entire section regarding General
Protection Faults
(GPFs). You must assume all
responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best
course of action will be
to push the apologize button then
reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as
long as you take
blame for all GPFs. Wife
1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.
Answer Man
Dear Technical Support:
I'm currently running the latest
version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately.
I've been running the
same version of DrinkingBuddies
1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases
I've tried have
always conflicted with it.
I hear that Drinking Buddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background
mode and the
sound is turned off. But
I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off.
I just run them
separately, and it works okay.
Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program,
often trying to
abort Golf with some sort of timing
incompatibility. I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0,
but I thought I
might see better performance from
GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted
a friend who
has had experience with GirlFriend
2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend
2.0, and
eventually it would require a Token
Ring to run properly. He was right; as soon as I purged my cache,
it uninstall
editself. Shortly after that,
I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be
gone, but the first time
I used it, it gave me a virus anyway.
I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while. I very
cautiously
upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0.
This time I installed a virus protection program. It worked okay
for a while until I
discovered that GirlFriend 1.0
was still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with
GirlFriend 4.0 still
installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has
a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of
any other
version of GirlFriend and communicates
with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.
The
version I have now works pretty
well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend,
it is written
in some obscure language I can't
understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much
attention paid to
the look and feel rather than the
desired functionality. Also, to get the best connectionswith your
hardware, you
usually have to use gold-plated
contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."
A year ago,
a friend of mine upgraded his version
of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident
version of GirlFriend. He
discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade
to Fiancee 1.0.
So he did, but soon after that,
he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog.
It has taken
up all his space, so he can't load
anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife
1.0 was because
it camebundled with FreeSexPlus.
Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes
prohibits access
to FreeSexPlus, particularly the
new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running
on a well
warmed-up system before he can
do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came withMotherInLaw
module which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off. I
told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try
to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney
files before doing the uninstall
itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway
because of insufficient resources. Any Ideas???